Wednesday, May 7, 2008

♥ Indecent Proposal........

U know for as long as I could remember I wanted it... Hadnt been really dwelling on it but damn it ran across my mind faster than the speed of light... I had my eye set on one target... I always contained the feelings and the rush and never once confronted the situation... but tonight... That indecent proposal sent me flying thru the roof... It gave me the satisfaction I really needed and the release I had been waiting patiently for...

Is it such a bad thing that we act upon one of the seven deadly sins? Or is it the fact that people cant stand knowing they want something they cant have? Jealousy and guilt makes the situation worse... How many times can u keep giving in to something so wrong? People say they have self control but what is the correct by-the-book definition? I had once assumed that it meant not giving into the selfish and wrong... I could be wrong myself...

All I know is that im completely and utterly satisfied but one part of me keeps thinking "How did that solve anything". If the situation presents itself again... will I accept the INDECENT PROPOSAL???

♥ My doll smiled.
12:29 AM
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Monday, May 5, 2008

♥ Feeling Of Absolution & Completeness...... The Road Not Taken......

Well I woke up this morning feeling like "BLAH" and I still feel like that.... I dont know but sometimes I feel like nothings complete with me you know?? I ask myself all the time when do I know my life holds the meaning its supposed to have?? How do I know when I have lived it to the fullest and have no regrets?? How do I know that I will ever reach that point at all?? I mean am I kidding myself here?? Have you ever juss wanted to gaze into the future to see what you are doing at that point and time and see if that is what you want to be doing?? Do you ever think that when your life ends it wont be worth anything you thought it would amount to in the beggining?? I know I have at some point... Juss sitting there wondering about all the "if's" and knowing that I'll never have the chance to go back and find out.... Wondering about the road not taken.... You stand there still and speechless looking at what you assumed was one road and you realize its split in two.... Well which one do you take and even if that is the right one to take how do you know that the other road couldnt have been a bit better?? U never know right?? Who's to say what you can and cant do right?? U make your own decisions and choices but what if the ones you make are the ones that ultimately cause you pain and destruction?? Nobody is there to mend your broken heart or help you figure out how to stand up straight and walk down the other road?? Can you even regain your path?? We as humans are programmed to fuck everything up at one point or another but how do you prepare for what can be the biggest moment of your life?? They say "Live Long, Laugh Endlessly, and Die Hard" right?? Well dammit how do you do that?? Life seems like it'll never get better and when it eventually does it seems like it took you forever to get there.....How do you regain your strength when all your pride has been stripped from you?? These are the questions I ask myself everyday and cant come up with any answers to...... I mean are we ever supposed to answer these questions?? I dont know but I hope one day I get to find out.....

Im sure a few of you find yourself asking these questions at one point.... I dont know.... Talk to me and maybe we can find the answers together... Maybe thats what God intended.... Maybe thats Murphys Law you know?? Dont take the journey alone..... Take all the paths possible and dont regret the road not taken......

♥ My doll smiled.
5:06 PM
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♥ So Smooth.....

I was listening to some Jazz music today while I was on here fixing my blog... Theres no words to the music.... Juss music.... The saxaphone, keyboard, electric guitar, trumpet, drums, piano, flute, clarinet, and juss about anything else... Most jazz music tends to be soft and melodic... It seems if you listen to Jass music especially the soft kind that it simply tells a story of love or friendship or some sort of connection. Its so relaxing to me... Jazz music can set the mood juss right or make you feel better about your day altogether... I juss sit and let it play and let my mind wander... I find the saxophone so mesmerizing to my ears... It juss makes you feel so vulnerable and delicate... Some jazz can be upbeat... like the kind you hear about down in New Orleans... but i like the jazz thats so soft to hear... the jazz that if presented at the right time can make ya panties drop...lol... I like juss about any music but I cant say enough how much this type warms my soul....

So what kinda music do you like?? What you like about it?? Do you listen to the beat or the lyrics?? Let me know....

♥ My doll smiled.
5:05 PM
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♥ Undescribable Sexuality

Have you ever been sexually flustrated?? I know a lot of people in past and present times have at one point been or are right this very moment... Not knowing whether to be a homosexual or heterosexual or for that fact which gender role they'd really love to play... So many issues are dealt with when you are sexually flustrated... Denial, Pain, Trauma, Rejection and Guilt and lord knows what else... Being in the closet or "On the down Low" is supposed to be such a bad thing to do but so many people have no option... Knowing that work, family and personal lives will all be upset if the secret is ultimately revealed...The games you play and the front you put on for people knowing that you took a vow to be married and faithfull and you have kids but also knowing that you yearn for a person with the same equiptment to blow your mind.... Knowing that once you have officially been touched it could jeopardize your religion and even something as precious as your life... The costly mistake of being caught in the act... How could you assume strength to tell a loved one that you arent normal when it comes to the written word or even regain courage to move on when you are harshly rejected.... What do you do when you silently cry alone at night why you are a photo copy of whats so wrong?? How do you questions gods plan for you to be who you are?? Or better yet how do you come to terms with and accept who you have become and that you cant change the inevitable... People all over the world try their hardest to challenge and not condone same sex relationships or same sex marriages because they say its a sin, but where in the bible does it say that to love someone with every fiber of your being is such a deathly sin?? God intended for man to be with woman for the sole purpose of creating life and continuing generations... Men have to be with women to insure that we as a human race will survive... not becuase its morally wrong to be with a man... People dont look at the situation from every angle... they are so quick to judge... Then there is the gender role reversal thing... Some people are gay or lesbian because they simply have the desire to BE the opposite sex, not to BE WITH the same sex but i guess that comes apart of the package now doesnt it?? Knowing that you dont feel what you really are... Knowing that you have excessive amounts of masculinity or feminism running thru your blood whe your gender shows signs of hypocricy and contradicts your genataila and all assumption...

Im basically in a nutshell saying that some people accept this lifestyle and some people faintly disregard it as devils work... But either way you will never know how this truely feels until you are put in this predicament and are sexually flustrated yourself... Experience it 1st hand... So speaking of that... How are you?? Have you figured out what your sexuality is?? Are you confident and sexually free or repressed as a caged bird...

ARE YOU WILLING TO ACCEPT OR CHANGE???????

♥ My doll smiled.
5:04 PM
0 commented

♥ Passionate Kisses..........

Do we as humans know the true meaning of love?? I think we dont. Does love mean to have and to hold forever or does it mean to not betray and strand your lover thru thick and thin?? Is love an emotion or a meaning?? Do you know love or feel it?? Do you go by the book or by your heart and soul?? Does love last forever?? Or only for the split second that you feel butterflies swarming in your stomach begging to be calmed...?? Have you ever thought of what love includes?? Pain, Confusion, Betrayal, Bliss and most importantly memories. What starts the process of love?? Staring at someone and having that awkward moment when your eyes lock and for a second, what seems like a lifetime your body freezes up... Or kissing that special comeone and feeling the tingling magic run thruought you entire body... Touching them and feeling sparks in your soul trying to race up your spine... And most importantly making love to them and feeling time surprisingly stop dead in its tracks without warning. Does kissing, touching, or even making love to someone mean you are in love with them or that you love em plain and simple?? Isnt there 2 different meanings for love?? Being IN LOVE with someone and juss loving them right?? How do you know which is which?? You can juss love anyone right?? Mom, Dad, Grandpa and Grandma, Work, Friends and juss about anything else you can imagine right?? But being in love with someone is totally different. Having those really desperate feelings and knowing that you cant seem to live without them for one minute. People are so lucky to live their entire lives and experience what they consider love to be even once. Some people never get the chance and for those who do, they question and doubt if it was really love in the 1st place when at one point nobody could even muster the strength to tell them it wasnt. They end up doubting it so much that they turn into people who hate to fathom the thought of taking another plunge or leap of faith in taking another chance at love. People who stop believing in love at all. People who tense up and cringe at the mention of the 4-letter word. Then where do those people regain strength to pick the peices back up and even struggle to put them back together??

How many times is right for a person to be in love?? Should it only occur once and thank the heavens it did and pray it'll never end or how about a few times to make sure we really know what it is and say we've experienced it?? You know they say trial and error is wha makes everything keep spinning. Can we do it so many times we lose complete understanding of what it really is or have we always known from the begginning but been to naive to see??

Who knows the answer to my questions tho.... I dont think anyone does cus I sure as hell dont... Maybe God intended us humans not to know much cus if we knew all the answers we'd be living in a perfect world right?? I think that if you have had the chance to know love... then you should be thankfull and learn from every single mistake and like Aaliyah said "Pick Yaself Up & Try Again".... If you have yet to be in love then dont worry.... Love might juss come crashing hard into you....

Keep smiling and laughing... Its what keeps you alive.... Love is everything.....
Love is Friendship, Love Is Blind, Love Is Unconditonal, Love Knows No Boundaries, Love Has No Language, Love Is Life, Love Is Immortal, LOVE IS EVERYTHING.......

♥ My doll smiled.
5:03 PM
0 commented

♥ Delusional...lol

I know you people have once in your life came across someone who u thought was absolutely crazy as hell....LOL.... I know I have..... Like meeting someone who thinks and actually BELIEVES they are something they arent.... Like someone telling you "Hey man guess what??? I talk to animals and dead people" and they actually believe that crap and try to convince you that its real too.... LMAO.... Ive ran across these type of people and they can be classified as nutcases or wackjobs or whatever you may want to call them..... I know when you live with one its a whole different story.... Living with someone who is considered mentally ill.... LOL... someone who you hear having a full blown conversation with themselves at 3am..... someone who is scared to open the refridgerator cus they say "The People" live in there..... or someone who tells you not to take a bath cus if you do you might dissapear.....

I dont know I guess when you listen to that crap all your life you get used to it but tell me everybody.... have you ever lived with someone or been friends with someone who is crazy as hell?? Or matter of fact let me know if you the crazy one.... Do you hear them voices and see them things in the corner???? Let me know people.... LOL 100 over and out!!!!

♥ My doll smiled.
4:57 PM
0 commented

♥ I need.......

I so need a love in my life.... im so lonely.... help!!!!!!!!!!

♥ My doll smiled.
4:56 PM
0 commented

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

♥ Indecent Proposal........

Monday, May 5, 2008

♥ Feeling Of Absolution & Completeness...... The Road Not Taken......

♥ So Smooth.....

♥ Undescribable Sexuality

♥ Passionate Kisses..........

♥ Delusional...lol

♥ I need.......

Doll Lover ;

Puppet Strings;

Chatty Moments

♥ Thank you

♥ Past